A Hypocritical Christian

Usually, when people find out that I’m an atheist, they don’t let the difference get in the way of a good relationship. Meeting someone who believes differently than you is an amazing opportunity to learn about a culture outside of your own and find common ground in a place where you might not expect it. It’s uncommon for me to try to make a connection with someone with different beliefs only to be completely cut off, but it does happen. Let me give you the breakdown of a time when this happened to me.

One time I was scrolling through my WordPress reader, looking at the tag “christian-college”. I came across a post giving some pros and cons of attending a Christian college vs a secular one. The writer was a Christian high school girl who was in the middle of her college search. The post was fine; one of the pros of attending a Christian school had to deal with making amazing Christian Jesus-loving friends. In an attempt to break the ice and potentially start a conversation between a Christian-college-attendee and someone looking to become one, I left a lighthearted comment in response to that point, saying “You never know, you might even meet an atheist at a Christian college!”

The girl responded by telling me how she would share the good news of Jesus Christ with them. I gently warned her that if there’s an atheist at a Christian college, chances are they’ve probably already heard that…a lot (in my case I can confirm this). In the hopes of what seemed to be trying to convert me, she replied with something along the lines of “Well if you’re an atheist then how do you explain the calendar being divided up into BC (Before Christ) and AD?” I hadn’t really been expecting such open hostility and a focus on only our differences, not to mention a complete change of topic, but I went with it. Staying polite and humble, as I usually try to do, and after doing some research, I gave her what I remember to be a pretty solid explanation that BC, which of course is actually BCE and stands for Before the Common Era, doesn’t prove Christ’s existence…at all.

When I posted this comment, which had essentially proved her wrong, it stayed under “Your comment is awaiting moderation” for over a month. Being stubborn and not ready for this conversation to end, I used the contact form to ask the girl if something had gone wrong with my comment or if would be approved soon. Her response via email said, “I just didn’t think there was reason to continue a disagreement publicly since I had said you can talk to me through email if you wanted to continue the conversation. It was nothing personal :)”

Once our initial conversation had become more argumentative, which had not been my intent at all until she turned it that way, she had offered me to ask any other questions I had through email because she didn’t want any arguments on her blog. It seemed to me that arguments on her blog were just fine until she was losing them. Either way, I let the hypocrisy go and I didn’t respond again to the email or on the thread (which I knew wouldn’t show up anyway). Since then, our entire conversation on that post, including my friendly first comment, has been deleted.

Still eager to try to make a connection with this girl and trying to put that encounter behind me, I would sometimes visit her blog and leave comments on various posts. They were all polite and non-controversial little things such as a comment on a post about sexual purity on which I said something like “Wow, this is really different than how my fiance and I live. Even unbelievers can have good relationships!” and on a post about religion between her family members, I asked whether her whole family was the same denomination or not.

Rather than staying in a moderation queue, both comments were immediately deleted, either manually or automatically if she had made it so that comments from me never appeared on her blog again. On a blog all about Christian love, I sensed a flood of hypocrisy. Love doesn’t show in what you say. Even if it’s all you say, if it’s not what you do, it doesn’t count.

At this point I felt like the differences were weighing heavy and nothing I could do would get this girl to see me as just another reader of her blog who took an interest in her writing. All she could see was Jesus, and if I didn’t see that, then I didn’t deserve to be acknowledged or shown the love that Jesus supposedly told his people to share with everyone, not just those who deserved it.

I decided that I really wanted to set things straight, and my shallow comments apparently weren’t doing that. I wanted to be real and acknowledge the weird “relationship” that I’d had with this girl so far. I’d had a couple ideas that I was pondering, including contacting her through my personal Instagram which obviously isn’t connected with this blog.

I wanted to be honest though, so I used the contact form again and instead of being accusatory about where all my comments were going, I told her I knew that it might make her uncomfortable to have an atheist on her blog and she may not have met one before. I said it’s totally up to her if that’s what she wants, but as for me, I wasn’t ashamed of being an atheist, and at this point, I was pretty sure that she truly had never encountered an atheist before, or at least not a nice one. I introduced myself and told her all about things I like to do and things I’m interested in in the hopes of emphasizing our similarities and minimizing our differences. I sent it, thinking it would clear up some of the bad blood and at least make her consider responding and seeing me more as a fellow blogger and less of an evil atheist.

I never got a response. She continues to be active on WordPress, Instagram, and Pinterest, so I know that she hasn’t given up technology altogether. She just avoids me and probably anyone else who doesn’t share her exact views. That’s why I was so amazed that she would post a picture with the following caption on Instagram after this whole debacle:

“I love people. Especially the ones who understand me and laugh with me. The ones who encourage my walk with Christ.

Sometimes we just click with certain people, and we tend to invest all our time in those relationships. And that’s good! But loving the easy-coming friends isn’t all we’re supposed to do.

Over the past few months, God has tenderly revealed a huge weakness in me, and it’s this: I love the people that love me…but often I stink at loving those who don’t give me anything in return. To say that sounds incredibly selfish, and I wish it wasn’t true—but it is. And deep down, I’m sure we all struggle with that sometimes. It can be so hard to invest in those who make demands or require extra patience and attention. REAL LOVE IS HARD. But Jesus didn’t tell us to only love the people that make us happy. He told us to bear with EVERYONE in love.

I’ve been chewing on Romans 12:6-10, for the past few days, and it’s been such a humbling and refreshing passage to mull over. It displays God’s design for real love and sacrificial care among believers. These verses are commands to show the kind of selflessness Christ demonstrated toward us. And wow, it’s a tall order.

No matter how different someone is, I want to love them. I want to live with the humble mindset that I’m not always easy to love. I’m not perfect. We’re all growing, and we all need patience. Our job is to encourage each other while Christ refines us.”

She can say this all she wants, but she doesn’t practice what she preaches. I know that this post is a bit petty, but I hope I’ve conveyed that this is really, really frustrating. I should just let it go, but I keep being tempted to try to contact this girl again. But she’s already had a lot of chances to “love me no matter how different I am,” and no matter she seems to want to do this, she just doesn’t.


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39 Replies to “A Hypocritical Christian”

  1. Good post.

    But, I do not see where her hypocriticism comes in. Did she ever state that she would respond to all comments and was interested in an honest debate?

    To be fair Christians, or other religious people, are not the only hypocritical individuals on the planet. Almost, anyone can be hypocritical at times, where their behavior (including verbal) do not line up with their stated beliefs.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As a high school teacher, I can tell you that hypocrisy is a human characteristic, not a specifically Christian one. I get after my students on a daily basis for doing the same things that I did when I was in high school. It’s all just a part of growing up and coming to understand people. That being said, it does not excuse it. I am an adamant believer that actions speak louder than words. As a practicing Christian myself, I will tell you that there have been many, many times when my actions did not align with my words (I did not practice what I preached if you will). This is, largely, why I choose to be a Christian. I know that I cannot be the person I want to be on my own. Being a Christian is an acknowledgment of human weakness, which is a very difficult thing to do in our pride-driven society. But, I am glad that you are willing to have open, non-hostile conversations which practicing Christians. If we could all learn to discuss rather than argue, the world would be a much better place!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I appreciate your “petty” post. At least it’s honest. As a Christian, from a Christian family and school, it’s new to many like me to talk to people who don’t share our beliefs. I don’t think she quite realizes the benefits of hearing other perspectives. How else can you reflect on your own choices or question why you made them in the first place? I’d love to talk sometime!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sure, is there anything specific you want to know? There are lots of things that I do–and don’t–believe in, so in terms of what I do believe, there are a lot of different things depending on the topic, if that makes sense.

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            1. The Big Bang leaves some unanswered questions but it’s the best explanation we have. If you say “I don’t know so God did it,” I’d say that requires more new questions than it answers. How did he do it? Why? Where did he come from? Is he supposed to have existed eternally (because eternal time is a paradox)? If something can’t be made from nothing then how do you explain some infinite and undetectable and unexplainable and un-invented being making everything from nothing? And why is almost none of the universe inhabitable?

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            2. I wouldn’t just stop at “it leaves some unanswered questions.” It leaves us with a giant hole of error that I feel many people just try to push to the side. If you are leaning on human logic to explain the universe, then the Big Bang Theory cannot be a logical explanation without the existence of God. To ask “who created God?” is like asking me why I’m a man. It’s irrelevant to ask such a thing as a defining characteristic of myself is that I am a woman. One of God’s characteristics is “uncreated.” I realize that it seems crazy from a logical standpoint to think about the eternal God who created the universe and who loves us, but to me, God is so in control and so unexplainable that for me to not follow Him would be a complete denial of what my spirit has always known. No matter what people say and no matter how much they try to reason, there will always be a hole and a longing in their souls for someone greater. For God. Without God, what is the purpose of being here? Just to live and die? And then there’s the fact that our eternal, Almighty God who could’ve just smushed us after we made our first mistake, decided to humble Himself, come in the flesh and die a sinner’s death to save us.l from our sin because He loves us THAT much. As you can probably tell, I could go on for a while 😁. But I am curious, does it not ever sadden you to think of the purposelessness of life without an afterlife and without God?

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            3. But I am curious, does it not ever sadden you to think of the purposelessness of life without an afterlife and without God?

              This question was most likely addressed to the blog owner, but I must reply.

              ABSOLUTELY NOT!

              Liked by 2 people

            4. To answer your point on the Big Bang needing an uncreated creator, I think Bertrand Russel said it well: “If everything must have a cause, then God must have a cause. If there can be anything without a cause, it may just as well be the world as God, so there cannot be any validity in that argument.” And I think you know it, too, as you yourself pointed out: “I realize that it seems crazy from a logical standpoint to think about the eternal God who created the universe. . . for me to not follow Him would be a complete denial of what my spirit has always known.” What’s to say your “spirit” is right? What is your “spirit” anyways?

              According to the bible, he didn’t smush us, but he did drown us after our first mistake. Does he love you more than he loved those people? What was his purpose for their lives, that he is in control of? Should I have a hole in my heart shaped like such a malicious and vengeful deity?

              As for your last question, I’m going to have to echo Nan on this one: absolutely not. The finiteness of life gives it an urgency and a purpose to fill our years as well as we can. Not to mention the freedom that comes with being a slave to no one and the humble acceptance of our responsibility to better ourselves and the human race without an external aid.

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            5. “Nothing is so important to man as his own state, nothing is so formidable to him as eternity; and thus it is not natural that there should be men indifferent to the loss of their existence, and to the perils of everlasting suffering. They are quite different with regard to all other things. They are afraid of mere trifles; they foresee them; they feel them. And this same man who spends so many days and nights in rage and despair for the loss of office, or for some imaginary insult to his honour, is the very one who knows without anxiety and without emotion that he will lose all by death. It is a monstrous thing to see in the same heart and at the same time this sensibility to trifles and this strange insensibility to the greatest objects. It is an incomprehensible enchantment, and a supernatural slumber, which indicates as its cause an all-powerful force.”
              -Blaise Pascal

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  4. I think you should just let it go, but I will try and defend the young lady a bit. There are so many reasons not to engage with someone. I don’t think it’s fair to lump her in with all Christians, as if all Christians would react the same way. If she’s in HS, then she’s still young, and that could explain many reasons why there. However, it seems that YOU keep pursuing her. Maybe she feels intimidated or even stalked. Maybe her parents or friends suggested she not engage. Maybe she is shakey in her faith, maybe she admitted in black and white her shortcomings, but has yet found the strength or nerve to deal with them. It seems that you can’t let it go until she acknowledges your views. Why? It seems your idea is live and let live. Then why do you continue to pursue her and prove your points to her? PS…Christians are FAR from perfect. It’s the human condition.

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    1. “Maybe she is shakey in her faith, maybe she admitted in black and white her shortcomings, but has yet found the strength or nerve to deal with them.”

      This is what I had always feared. I’ve had people avoid me on more than one occasion because they were insecure in their faith, and being friends with an atheist made them even more unsure. It just hurts my feelings when that happens, and venting that frustration is why I wrote this post.

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  5. A couple people on my Christian campus have found our I’m an atheist. I’ve experienced surprise, but very little hostility. The most I’ve really ever gotten was someone who told me “It takes more faith to believe in the big bang then it is to believe in God”. Typical.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. So sorry this is happening to you. You are trying to be nice and trying to be accepting yet you get treated like this by someone who is supposed to love and accept people from all walks of life. When she mentioned accepting people who were different she obviously meant other christian people who saw things differently. As christians I believe we are to treat all people the same, be loving, kind and respectful and get to know one another even in our differences. I would hope that things would change and you will hear from this person in a more kind way, but if not you have at least one christian friend who feels the same as you in associating with others.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Welcome to the world of the atheists engaging with Christians. This won’t be the last time it happens, cognitive dissonance is a bitch and this is what happens when Christians face it. let it go, and don’t be bothered by it, but by all means draw attention to it. Christians need to know that their brethren do this. Just make sure you’re not ever found to be guilty of it!

    I don’t bother counting the occasions it’s happened, and it’s happened when the conversation has been nice as well.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Everyone else who has commented here basically summed it up. Best to just let it go. This kind of thing can be very annoying and irritating, and i’m definitely guilty of not letting simplistic things go. There are tons of Christians out there who don’t practice what they preach, and essentially you have two options, call it out and fight it, or walk away. I personally find it satisfyingly to walk away from such hypocrisy, and remind yourself that you weren’t the problem, they were. Heck the argument that if they want to be seen as a religion of love and peace (which when you actually read that scripture it’s just not a peaceful loving book at all) then those people are not doing a good job of it.
    Every side of the argument is going to have hypocrisy, because humans at then end of the day can be just that, no matter what. What’s important is being able to reconize it, and know how to respond appropriately. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Or she simply didn’t like you. My wife has friends that I can not abide, and I have a few acquaintances that I would like to get to know better, but my wife does not. That’s life. Admittedly I don’t live in the land of religious fundamentalism, but from my experience, a reluctance to reciprocate a friendship is more complex than a difference in religious views. She may have detected that you wanted to challenge her beliefs, and that may not have been why she wanted to blog. She may just not like the way you converse in writing.

    I notice that her Instagram was posted after your last correspondence with her. Perhaps her recognition that her response to you was “unchristian” was the catalyst for her post. You could try reaching out to her again.

    On the other hand, it is possible she’s a hypocrite. Your call 🙂

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  10. Not to ignore the other complex issues your experience raises, how to treat difficult commenters on a personal blog is tricky. Since we’re not journalists, a corporation or a government department our obligation to indulge multiple viewpoints is murky. I had a post on my blog where I reviewed a film of Wuthering Heights (I’ve since deleted it since my feelings about the film have changed). I began having a debate with a commenter about the treatment of Heathcliff in the story. He insisted the prejudice towards Heathcliff was ALL about racism. I did not deny that there is a race element, even the major element, but that there is also much else going on – Heathcliff’s lack of social class and status, the animosity his relationship with Catherine creates, etc. I tried being as conciliatory as possible to him and his argument while insisting there is much more to the story than race but after a few back-and-forth comments it was clear he just was not hearing me. There may also have been a language barrier involved. I did not approve his final comment in which he tried to dismiss my point about Heathcliff’s social class by saying it was irrelevant when there were no DNA tests in the 19th century to prove Heathcliff’s heritage (what?). I felt a little bad about stopping his comments since that is not how I would like discourse to go. It gives an unfair impression of his position by leaving it with my final comment instead of his and I was unsure what I would tell him if he questioned it, but at some point I guess I had to say we had to agree to disagree.

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  11. Like other people said, it’s probably better to just let things go. She probably felt threatened by the points you made (even though that wasn’t your intentions) and so chose to withdraw. I’m willing to guess she hasn’t interacted with many Atheists either since she doesn’t have to, and is regularly surrounded by other people who agree with her.
    Having said all that, dem feels man. I remember when some girl who was a Christian friend of mine kept unfriending me and adding me back on Facebook. At first I ignored it, but then I called her out on it, her response was basically “I don’t know if we are friends or not”, so I basically said “I’d like to think we are friends”. Your post reminded me of her because she posted cringey Instagram messages like this too. Eventually I said she was pathetic and moved on…

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Truthfully speaking it’s hard not to find oneself being a hypocrite. We read in scripture about the ideal, and then we often find ourselves falling short of that ideal.

    In my opinion, the girl was clearly self-aware of her own problem but didn’t have enough humility to rectify it (by answwering you or paying attention).

    At the end of the day it’s a form of arrogance on her part, but I also find myself falling short of those lofty standards. One shouldn’t stop reaching for those standards though, and at worse you can gain some satisfaction knowing that she is feeling guilty about not loving everyone (if you were the spiteful kind ;P )

    I’ll tell you one thing though, I personally wouldn’t ignore your comments so feel free to send me a message or whatever ^^ We can discuss the ludicrousness of faith from your perspective while I sit here with a cup of coffee and my pile of books hahaha

    Liked by 2 people

  13. You want controversial, here ya go. We all assume that everyone on the planet with whom we converse is equality intelligent. I’m not sure where we get this bias, but one just expects a certain intelligence level from everyone. Here’s a shock: go examine a standard IQ distribution graph. What you will find is that 1/2 of all people on the entire planet have an IQ less than 100.

    Now, I could pollute that pure fact with hearsay, alright, I will… What percent of those 3.7 BILLION people do you think are religiously inclined vs those who have an IQ above the 100 level? Now that is one hell of a contentious remark, yes? Food for thought, if bitter and foul tasting (most vitamins are like that).

    With this in mind, what is the probability that those who fervently believe in some god or another are simply incapable of considering another view?
    (Oh, and if you don’t want to start a war you just might want to delete this comment.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There are many “intelligent” people on both the religious and irreligious sides. Though it seems that nowadays completing a certain number of days at a university to get a piece of paper makes one intelligent.

      But there have always been incredible geniuses who were also exceptional believers. A case in point is Imam Al-Ghazali who’s books have even been translated into English, so the genius and wisdom of this man is on display for us today. Centuries ago polymaths were pretty common. People mastered languages, poetry, art, sciences and maths (up to the standards of their time). Nowadays, PhDs are incredibly specialised on a particular field (such as pancreatic cancer) but know virtually nothing about particle physics.

      I have to admit though that scholarship today isn’t nearly anything like it used to be unfortunately with the easy access to books and internet which reduced the need to memorise everything.

      Liked by 3 people

  14. I practiced formal Zen Buddhism for 12 years. THE main teaching in Buddhism is ‘Drop your opinions and let it go. And of course the popular phrase; We’re all ONE.’. That’s all well and good when sitting in the temple and chatting idly in the lobby. However…in REAL day to day life outside the Zen Center I have never met more opinionated, stuck, critical and judgemental people, including myself. All that hard meditation practice is just a show, a front, a sham. Humans cling tenaciously to their opinions and beliefs like barnacles on the underside of a boat. It’s what we do no matter the religion or politics. Don’t even get me started on Democrats vs Republicans these days. Jump’n Jesus!!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. That’s so true hahaha

      It’s incredibly difficult to give up our egoism, for our egos are our own personalities themselves. Changing patterns of behaviour would naturally be incredibly hard but first we have to recognise the good and the bad in us before we have a hope in cultivating the good and combatting the bad in us.

      Liked by 2 people

  15. I don’t think her faith is as strong as she says it is. When mere questions can bloody the bully’s nose, she’s in the fight because of things she was taught, not because of things she has learned.

    Liked by 3 people

  16. And sometimes you just have to let it go. The lack of willingness to communicate is obviously from what sounds lke sheer terror that you might contaminate her beliefs. Frankly? If she’s that shaky about her beliefs, and that a-skeered of you corrupting her, I’d back way off.

    she apparently has been fed a bill of goods that atheists, like sex fiends, are “only after one thing” and in this case it’s her immortal soul.

    Trouble is, the more you pursue her –no matter how innocent your motives–the worse she will become. Let her off the hook, lol.

    Liked by 4 people

  17. I should just let it go

    Yes, you should.

    It’s her blog, and her life. And she has decided that you are not to be part of it.

    On the plus side, at least she recognizes some of her failings. There are far worse hypocrites out there, people who cannot even see their own failings.

    “These verses are commands to show the kind of selflessness Christ demonstrated toward us. And wow, it’s a tall order.”

    That’s her acknowledgement that she falls short. To me, back when I was Christian (roughly, my teenage years), that was what faith meant. Faith was in attempting to follow that “tall order” even though it was hard. For too many people, “faith” just means reciting an empty phrase to be used as a magic incantation (a “get out of hell” card).

    Personally, if somebody tried to force their religion on me, I would try to avoid them. She probably sees you as attempting to force your irreligion on her, and is trying to avoid you.

    Liked by 6 people

  18. I wish I could say “don’t waste your time,” but I’ve been there, too. 🙂 One of the saddest aspects of religion is how it divides us. There is so much we could learn from one another, if we weren’t filtering everything through the moral codes of outdated mythology.

    Liked by 3 people

  19. I’ve always enjoyed writing to (and often pestering) Christians because for me they’re so different (I am part of the pen palling community). I have this weird track-record, though. Most of these we “met” as teenagers (high school) and we conversed for at least a year of chronological time, even though I’m pretty slow at replying. Every single time I have “lost” one (gotten no reply), it was after I’d written something a bit controversial, yet completely arguable. I have a very good memory for times I’ve felt uncomfortable sharing my thoughts and since each of these resulted in no reply, they’ve permanently stuck with me:

    The time I told one that I was pretty sure that I don’t tolerate people or situations; I either accept them or I don’t. And since I can’t change people, I simply accept therm for who they are 😊. (P.S. This is still true of me 10 years later.)

    The next pen pal had kindly asked me to not use “OMG” because she felt it was using God’s name in vain (and possibly was sacrilegious for claiming God as my own, though I may be projecting this aspect). I responded with an apology because I legitimately didn’t mean to make her uncomfortable, but of course was curious about the whole thing, which lead to questions about “oh my goodness” (which I use just as often as “oh my God”), etc. By this time I was in college, studying history and knew about the various euphemisms that were created to get past the ” using God’s name in vain” thing, so I wanted her opinion.

    By the way, BC and AD were originally used because of Christ when the dates were “created”. However, this is Christians honoring their faith, not Christ proving existence. The Hebrew calendar is in the year 5778 right now because of their faith. As for CE and BCE, it’s still based off Christ’s birth for consistency, but uses secular terminology (there is no difference between AD and CE).

    Anyway, the last one I lost was just last year. She wrote that she didn’t think Hillary would make a good president because she’s a woman and I replied that I was sorry that she’d been raised in such a way that she felt that she (my pen pal) felt incapable of doing whatever she wanted with her life because she was born with a vagina instead of a penis. Note: this was also after a good two years of her telling me that she wasn’t allowed to get the random retail job that she wanted because her dad told her she couldn’t (I don’t think she was being allowed to keep her earnings from being “caregiver/companion” to her neighbor either). Sigh. I really want to save this young woman!

    I sent each of these women a Christmas card after a year of no reply and still didn’t hear back. I have lost contact with a lot of pals over the years, but only these three can I point to the last letter I wrote probably being the cause.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. I had a similar experience like this once. On my blog, I wrote about my time as a Catholic and why I got out of it, listing a number of things I didn’t like about Catholicism and the Catholic Church. I got a comment from a person who took issue on what I said, and challenged me on some of the points I made. Obviously, I had no problem with this, and responded in the kindest possible way, addressing the points he raised one-by-one. I got a reply to my reply, which, while cordial and polite, asserted things that were simply not true and were dismissive of the facts and arguments that I had brought up to defend my position. I then wrote a 3000 word response, setting the whole record straight. I didn’t hear from him again, other than in the form of a rant against me about how delusional I was and that I was about as intelligent as a boiled potato (I cleaned up the language a little bit). I really don’t mind when people challenge my opinions, as no one’s views are exempt from questioning. But I do expect a standard of civilised discourse when they do so. If they’re going to be petty and start either ignoring or throwing insults then we should have nothing to do with them, and is a reflection upon them rather than us. Like you, I was sure that I may have been able to find some common ground with the person I was arguing with. But it was not to be. There is just no arguing or talking with people who have either no interest in, are scared of, or are contemptuous of any person with a different opinion to theirs. That’s just how the world works now, apparently. In your case, I would just leave it be. Maybe one day this girl will change her mind, and become more open to contrasting ideas. Maybe she will even become an Atheist as well. She’s still young, anything can happen. But in the meantime, let her live in her hypocritical self-righteousness, and have actual conversations with the plenty of people who are willing to do so 🙂

    Liked by 5 people

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