Not to outshine my wedding last Friday, this week marks my two-year blogiversary! While this is an exciting achievement, the way my life is going may cause this anniversary to mark the beginning of a few changes here at theclosetatheist.blog.
Back in November 2016, my first post read,
All day long I live, act, and speak as a Christian, hearing about the evils of atheism. I’m so dishonest with everyone I come in contact with, save for my loving atheist boyfriend, that when I’m alone I can barely be honest with myself. “What are you?” he would ask me when everyone was out of earshot. “Say it. You’re not a Christian. You don’t have to lie.”
I eventually swallowed my disgust with myself and mustered a whisper: “I’m…an atheist.” Being nearly impossible to admit does not make this statement any less true. Going to an oppressively Christian private college does not make it any less true. Attending mandatory chapel services does not make it any less true. Bowing my head for prayers before classes does not make it any less true. Being a part of a resolutely Lutheran family and coming to church every time I come home does not make it any less true.
And these issues became the bases for many blog posts, where I vented about everything from my experiences at Christian college, to holidays with family, to wondering what I would do once I graduated and moved out. But I’m in a very different place now. I’ve accomplished a lot, and a lot has changed in the past two years, including:
- coming out to a handful of friends, classmates, and teachers at college
- growing my book collection from being hidden in my husband’s dorm to being on display on a large bookshelf in our apartment
- coming out to my mother, sisters and brothers-in-law, and my dad
- my brother-in-law (the pastor one), and eventually his wife and my mom, finding and reading this blog
- graduating from college
- ceasing going to church
- finally marrying my atheist husband, with a secular and some may say slightly existential and atheistic, ceremony, not in a church and not by a pastor
I’ve always known that the stress of my life and the success of this blog had an inverted relationship. I know how weird it sounds, but when my atheism would cause me great distress, I’d joke with myself that at least I could get a good blog post out of it. But now, fortunately, I’m in a much better place where I don’t have so much to vent about.
This blog has much more to it than just my life story, mostly including book reviews, thoughts on atheism, religion, and science, and a few series of posts like Apologetics 101 and Apologetics 102. But even on these topics, new ideas seem to be fewer and further between. It is taking me longer and longer to finish books as I begin to add in non-atheism-related novels into my reading list, and I don’t have college classes like Apologetics 101 to complain about. As my thoughts are consumed by moving, holiday planning, job hunting, and navigating marriage, I have been more free to live my life and less concerned about being oppressed by religion or coming out of the closet.
With this newfound freedom and (finally) independence to live my life as I choose, I don’t really have much to vent about. And at the risk of pissing off my family, I’ll mention that knowing they could read any blog post I choose to write, I don’t really have the choice of complaining about any silly Christian thing they might do anyway. Admittedly, it is probably healthier this way: if they do something I have a huge problem with, I can now talk it out with them rather than exposing the madness to my almost-but-not-quite 1,000 followers.
That being said, this blog has been one of my favorite things in my life for the last two years, and I’m not ready to let it go. So instead of ceasing to post, I may begin writing significantly shorter posts, or not posts that are 100% on-topic regarding atheism. Maybe it’s time for me to expand my niche to social issues, more science, and philosophy. I will do my best to continue to publish every Sunday morning at 8:00, just in time for church, as I have almost always done, but if my posts become more infrequent, I will let you know first. If you have ever had something you just wished I would address but I didn’t, even if it’s not entirely atheism, related, this is your chance to request it! You would be doing this blog a favor while reading the content you’ve always wanted from me, whether it’s a question about my life or just a topic you’ve always wanted my thoughts on.