About Me

I am an atheist.

Congratulations, you know a secret that has been carefully hidden away for over a decade as it slowly makes its way out into the world.

Right now I’m slowly coming out to family and friends, but since I’m still anonymous, you won’t be learning much else about who I am on this site. Perhaps one day, I’ll be more willing to elaborate on the details of who I am and where I’m from, but for now, I’ll tell you what I can.

I went to a small private Christian college. I was raised in a devout Lutheran family. I have been nonreligious for over 10 years, but I started to really learn about atheism and what I believe a couple years ago, halfway through my college career. I love to read books on the existence, or nonexistence of God. I like watching atheist YouTubers, such as Jaclyn GlennAlex J. O’Connor, Rachel Oates, and Genetically Modified Skeptic. I started my blog after seeing this video where Hemant Mehta suggested that if it is impossible for a closeted atheist to come out, they can still make their voice heard by means such as anonymous blogging.

My amazing husband has helped me get through this weird, frustrating, and fascinating time of getting to know more of myself and this world that we live in. I couldn’t imagine facing this alone. He is my #1 support, and I am so lucky to have him at my side.

Also, I really like cats.

39 Replies to “About Me”

  1. Thank you for your honesty and openness. I have enjoyed reading some of the posts as I seek to understand how atheists think and reason. I am a believer in Jesus and his presence in my life forms my core identity and is the basis for my joy. Of course I am saddened that others do not share this joy and so I am visiting to better understand why. Though it may be meaningless to you, I am moved to pray that somehow you are touched deeply by Jesus.


  2. Hello Closet Atheist! I find your life story very interesting. I grew up an atheist and I actually hated Christians at one point in my life. I did not grow up going to church or reading the Bible. I grew up with MTV and I did pretty much any worldly thing I wanted to. I became a party guy in high school and I drank a bunch of alcohol and messed around with lots of girls. That was my main goal in life back then–just party and hook up with as many girls as I could. My life changed when we moved into a house possessed by a demon. We ended up living with that thing the entire four years I was in high school (’92-’96). Becoming a Christian was the absolute last thing I wanted to do, but what we experienced in that house changed everything. I got saved in ’96 my Freshman year in college and that December I went home for Christmas break and I cast that demon out in the Name of Jesus. We never had trouble like that again. Then in 1998 I had two angel encounters in Denver, which further changed my life and strengthened my faith. Finally, on 4-28-12 I stopped breathing due to anaphylactic shock and Jesus saved me by a miracle of the Holy Spirit.

    I understand why you don’t believe and I had friends that grew up in the church and ended up turning away from it, so I understand. All I can say is that it is all real brother. I didn’t believe either and I hated Christians and Christianity, but what the Bible says is true. Jesus is real, He is alive, and He rescued me and my whole family from very real evil straight from the pit of hell. He was with me when I stopped breathing and left my body for a short time! Heaven is real and so are the angels from there. Hell is real and so are the demons from there. God is real and so is satan. Jesus is Lord and the Holy Spirit is active here on earth. These are all things I thought were absolutely ridiculous and all I wanted to do was live my life and party, but oh how wrong I was. If you don’t mind, I pray the Lord reveals Himself to you like He did to me. After a lifetime of religion, I think it would be great for you to have some powerful supernatural experiences. It sure did help me come to faith! Keep searching brother, God will never give up on you! Love and blessings and grace and peace to you!


  3. Hi anon,

    I found your blog because you just followed mine. 🙂 Just make sure the God you’re rejecting is the God Self-Revealed and Exegeted in Jesus Christ. I’m afraid that most Christians who end up becoming atheisst are rejecting a folk conception of God that has more to do with the philosophers rather than the Reality. I don’t know your experience or background, only the brief amount you’ve shared (and I’ve only skimmed that at this point); but I would just want to gently ask you to keep pushing and seeking the genuinely living God—sometimes, ironically, that only comes through a route of so called atheism and the deconstruction inherent to that process of becoming.

    If I were beholden to “proofs,” contingence is the one that remains insurmountable, in my mind. IOW, our contingence; the cosmos’ contingence. But then again, I don’t think that that “proof” represents a necessary condition for belief in God; yet it ought to pose a formal condition (from a purely philosophical posture). But that’s just it, ultimately, I reject proofs for God’s existence, since I think proofs only prove a projection (Feuerbach) of ourselves onto a Big Other we have named God (in our own image). A genuine via to God doesn’t reside in the category of discovery or philosophical imagination (which I would argue is the God that most former Christians have rejected), but instead in Revelation (as a viable and critically realistic category).

    Anyway, I’ll start following you now, and see if God’s glory in the Face of Jesus Christ might not just surprise you with great joy once again; or maybe for the very first time.

    Pax Vobiscum,



  4. Ok. I’m so sorry to keep stalking you with all my comments, but. . I feel like we are literally going through the same things! If you ever need to talk or discuss situations, please feel free to contact me. It’s so hard going it alone, and we need to stick together. 🙂 Also, I would never have made it without my fiance either! He has helped me sooo much. And also my cat lol. Hang in there!!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Nice to meet you! I was an Atheist once upon a time, for most of my adult life really, at the age of 35 that all changed. Now here we site on opposite sides of the same coin. And I love cats too!

    This is my big boy Yoomi, he is not very camera shy

    And this is Toshi Girl….

    She’s gotta little eye booger there… but doesn’t like when I use my poorly evolved thumbs to clean them out, so I let her be.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I am in a similar situation, I live in Pennsylvania in a somewhat religious family and I am very glad that I made it through the indoctrination window. The funny thing is that I’ve been skeptical since kindergarten or second grade, and only recently became a full blown atheist. I can’t come out publicly for another few months at the least, or until I earn Eagle Scout, then, maybe I can come out, but it’s pretty obvious, I’m not doing a great job of hiding it, anyone with a brain could figure it out.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. I just found your blog today, and I’m amazed I haven’t found it before! Your story is almost exactly like mine. I’m a closet atheist from a heavily religious family that goes to a private Christian university in Knoxville, Tennessee. I was so set on becoming a preacher, but then after deciding to study science and arguments from non religious and ex-Christian sources I experienced a slow and somewhat painful internal struggle to accept that I don’t believe in God anymore.

    When I finally did, I felt free, like I could finally learn to accept who I was. I came out to my family, and for the most part they’ve been okay with it save for a few irritated family members. Now I’m set back on the course to achieve my childhood dream of being a teacher.

    It was surprising and comforting when I read your story and some of your personal experiences with coming out to family and friends, and how much I’m able to relate to it. Thank you for letting me know that there’s at least somebody out there who understands. Keep up the good work, and I’m excited to read the rest of your blog!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi! It’s been a relief but it is actually quite stressful. I go into it in a lot of detail in my category Personal Experiences, and specifically in Coming Out. You can get to them through my Categories page! 🙂


  8. I’m not sure about cats. It’s going around that they have more than one life. Some say as many as nine. Many people believe that humans have more than one, but I think they are delusional. Everything dies eventually, even cats. This resurrection thing is a bit of a stretch, unless a person loves themselves so much that they can’t imagine ever really dying. But really, there is only one, not two!


  9. Hey, I can definitely relate to your plight. Having been brought up in a cult I was a closet atheist for years as leaving the cult meant being cut off from all of my friends and family. Finally left now and it was a huge relief if not an incredibly difficult time! Really interesting blog, I’m enjoying reading through it!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for sharing your story! And one can understand why Misfit Vinegaroon relates to you so well.

      Apart from watching Hament Mehta, The Thinking Atheist, Alex J. O’Connor, Rachel Oates and Jaclyn Glenn on YouTube, you will also find Sam Harris to your liking. He has also published a number of books.

      For one of the most recent takes on atheism, visit http://www.thesixwaysofatheism.com.

      As for the pitfalls and fallacies of the design argument, visit the following:

      It will be nearly or altogether impossible to claim or prove that (the theory of) evolution is wrong or invalid, for it has been estimated that if evolution (both macro and micro) were wrong then more than 99% of all scientific disciplines would be wrong too due to the high degree of cross-collaborations and confluences of data. That is not (just) my claim; and it is from some scientists who have made the interconnections and stocktaking of disciplines and knowledges. When creationists try to debunk certain parts and/or the whole of the findings of evolutionists or evolutionary scientists, they have cited certain problems with some scientific claims and/or techniques which rely on or are founded on mathematics, measurements, instruments, various disciplines and so on in very interconnected ways, and have been reliably used for a long time. For example, many instruments rely on the veracity and reliability of quantum mechanics, electronics and electrical engineering, which in turn rely on other disciplines such as physics, mechanical engineering, optics and so on . . . . It is a very highly interconnected web.

      By “cross-collaborations” (whether by design or by accident, whether independently or co-dependently, and whether concurrently or not), I meant the cumulative results, benefits and synergies from the convergence of evidence from diverse disciplines and researchers who may or may not be collaborating and/or aware of each other’s findings and activities in the first place; and I also meant that research(ers) on/in evolution and evolutionary sciences have relied and benefited, both directly and indirectly, fertilizations, findings, paradigms and techniques from diverse disciplines. Let me quote Michael Shermer from his essay entitled “A skeptic’s journey for truth in science” as further examples:

      To be fair, not all claims are subject to laboratory experiments and statistical tests. Many historical and inferential sciences require nuanced analyses of data and a convergence of evidence from multiple lines of inquiry that point to an unmistakable conclusion. Just as detectives employ the convergence of evidence technique to deduce who most likely committed a crime, scientists employ the method to determine the likeliest explanation for a particular phenomenon. Cosmologists reconstruct the history of the universe by integrating data from cosmology, astronomy, astrophysics, spectroscopy, general relativity and quantum mechanics. Geologists reconstruct the history of Earth through a convergence of evidence from geology, geophysics and geochemistry. Archaeologists piece together the history of a civilization from pollen grains, kitchen middens, potshards, tools, works of art, written sources and other site-specific artifacts. Climate scientists prove anthropogenic global warming from the environmental sciences, planetary geology, geophysics, glaciology, meteorology, chemistry, biology, ecology, among other disciplines. Evolutionary biologists uncover the history of life on Earth from geology, paleontology, botany, zoology, biogeography, comparative anatomy and physiology, genetics, and so on.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Hi Closet Atheist,

    Just wanted to pop in and say that I can actually relate very well with your blog. I too created a blog largely because I want to express myself as an atheist but I’m somewhat closeted. Not as closeted as you, it seems, but I’m going to be attending a Christian college in a few weeks and I felt like I needed an outlet for my thoughts so I created my blog. I’ll be looking forwards to reading more of your content!

    Liked by 3 people

  11. Hi there, Closet Atheist. I definitely understand how hard it can be to be part of a religious family or community, and not share the same beliefs. The question of whether or not to “come out” is always a tough one. I wish you the best of luck going forward.

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Hi Closet Atheist,

    You have an interesting perspective.

    Do you have a post that explains or defends your atheism? That would be interesting. I’ve seen you say different things about certain doctrines but would be curious to see what you think about your own position.

    Thank you,

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Paul! Thanks so much for your comment. Since you asked, I realized I didn’t have a post explaining my reasons for atheism, so I wrote one. You can find it here: theclosetatheist.blog/2017/07/09/4-reasons-why-i-dont-believe-in-god/

      Liked by 2 people

  13. Thank you for your interest in my blog. I am very impressed with your blog and with your posts. I notice that you don’t respond very often–not a criticism–an observation. The fact is your posts are so well written and quite thoughtful, I’d like to hear more about how you feel and think in response to your replies.

    At any rate, now I have a reason to look forward to every Sunday! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Paul! I’m so glad you enjoy my blog and my writing, and also thank you for your comment over on my College Mate post! Also in regards to that comment: do you know the name of the Lutheran DVD you watched? It sounds like something I’d consider writing a post about!

      If you go back to some of my older posts, you’ll see that I used to be much better at responding to every comment. As my blog grows, it’s harder to keep up with, but I do read every single comment, and I like and reply to as many as I can.

      Thank you so much for stopping by! It makes my day to know that people look forward to my posts. I used to hate Sundays, and this blog gives me something to brighten my Sundays as well. 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

      1. The Lutheran minister, a young man who had just earned his Doctor of Divinity degree (I’m not sure from where), showed up for our discussion with a box full of DVDs, pamphlets, books and all sorts of stuff.

        He passed out copies of one DVD for each one of us. There were four others, my neighbor, and two armed policemen, one of which is my friends son-in -law. They would leave the meeting and go on patrol so they had on their gear. Having said that, the meeting was congenial and friendly, even it at times it bordered on total weirdness.

        The DVD is not Lutheran per se, but obviously supported by the Lutheran ministry.

        The title is “Science Confirms the Bible: Ken Ham speaks to teens.”

        You probably know that Ken Ham is an Australian born Christian fundamentalist, now living here in America. His latest project was the building of an “life-size” ark in Kentucky. It made the headlines because the Governor allowed state funding to support the construction. It’s there if you want to visit it. 🙂

        Ham turned out this DVD which is–simply put–ridiculous. His answer to the teen question: “Where did Cain’s wife come from?”
        Answer: Adam and Eve’s DNA was untainted so Cain married an offspring of his parents. Ham dodges the incest issue quite easily and also the fact that Adam an Eve had to have populated a thriving village from which Cain grabs a wife. The whole thing is painful.

        At any rate you can find it on Amazon.

        Again thanks, and I look forward to your posts!

        Liked by 3 people

  14. You may be surprised how many who are labelled and behave as Christians have their doubts. Doubt is just as prevalent as faith but much less talked about.
    The label ‘Christian ‘ is very very wide , from the occasional church attender to the pious totally committed believer who lives only for others.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Nice to see someone who actually “Think” in this world!. I don’t know the definitions of Atheism … what what actually is being Atheist, but I know when someone has capabilities to think independently, he/she will definitely see how illogical this religion business is. Look as the whole universe, except humans everyone is in harmony with nature! Only so called “intelligent class” is killing and destroying the nature! Follow what you believe in and whatever it is be good to the nature and fellow humans! That should be the motto of religion! Good luck.

    Liked by 3 people

  16. I am so touched by your About page. Good for you to explore what you truly believe in … this is so self-honoring. Thanks as well for following Forgiving Connects. A big part of my experience is discovering what forgiveness, letting go, and gratitude mean for me.
    Welcome, and so many smiles your way today (and every day!) ~Debbie

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Well first, thank you for following my blog. I too am “in the closet,” as I live in a small town in the South…

    Great post on “Answers in Genesis.” I just finished reading “Some Mistakes of Moses” by Robert Green Ingersoll; I think you would enjoy it. You can find it online for free. He pointed out that, at the rate a South American Sloth moves, one would have had to begin it’s trip to the ark before creation in order to make it on time.

    Keep in touch!

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s