After four long and miserable years, I finally escaped from this mind-prison of a school once and for all at my graduation on May 19th. As far as I am concerned, this college has achieved the opposite of its goal of “nurturing my walk with Christ.” Instead, it accidentally shaped me into the dedicated atheist that I am today. It was the pivotal point in my life that pushed me from agnosticism all the way to atheism, to this blog, and out of the closet. Continue reading “My Christian College Experience”
The most stressful part of me becoming an atheist has been my experience hiding my unbelief from my mother, subsequently coming out to her, and having to deal with her reaction. For the most part, she has become defensive and resorted to stubborn remarks and insults that have helped no one.
If you haven’t read my coming out story to my mother up to this point, I would recommend it in order to understand this post. Continue reading “Is Atheism a Choice?”
I wrote in January about the events that led up to my untimely coming out conversation with my mother. First, my fiance’s and my “immoral” private life was leaked, which led to my family expecting us to stop and being appalled when we refused to apologize. This ended in me coming out to my mother as an atheist as a way to provide some explanation for why we didn’t play by her Lutheran rules. After talking to her and to my oldest sister, the wife of a pastor, my fiance and I safely assumed that her pastor-husband would have moral qualms, if not strict religious restrictions, from marrying together two dirty sinners such as the two of us, as had been our original plan. We informed him that we had decided to go a more secular way—getting married at our reception hall using a non-pastor officiant—to avoid this cognitive dissonance. Continue reading “Coming Out to My Sister and Her Husband”
A couple of days ago, my mom asked me to accompany her to a Wednesday night Lenten church service, even though she knows I don’t believe in God. When she had me alone in the car with her for the twenty-minute drive, she seized the opportunity to either try to convert me, or try to make me feel guilty for not believing, or both. Continue reading “Christians in Foxholes”
Usually, when I write about my Christian college experience, it’s about coming out to friends or classmates, or about insane Christian teachers who would probably have gotten fired if the college had actually known what they’re teaching to students. Only once before have I dedicated a post to the atmosphere itself of my private Christian college.
After all, other than attending chapel, we aren’t required to fast, read the bible, or go to bible study or church. “How bad can it be?” says the Christian student attending the Christian college.
The Closet Atheist, A Fish out of Water
If you’ve been following my story over the past month, then you’ll know that my proverbial closet door kind of got bust open by a leaked secret and that after turmoil and hard decisions, I ended up telling my mom I’m an atheist. On the chance that you indeed have been reading my story, then you are probably curious about what happened next. Continue reading “My Mom Thinks I’m Crazy”
I didn’t plan to come out on January 4th, 2018. It was supposed to happen a year from now. I’d be married and living in my own house with my husband; the wedding would be out of the way after I patiently waited until arriving at adulthood unscathed. There would be a gradual and logical buildup: first I tell my younger sister, then my older sisters and their husbands, and finally my mother. I would take my husband to my mother’s house, we would tell her together, and we would leave her to process the news without us there. Continue reading “Coming Out to My Mother: Part 2”
When I write on my blog about the whole “struggle of being an atheist in a Christian family” thing, at least in my head, it starts to sound repetitive. Maybe the first time you read a post of mine, you thought, “Wow, that sounds like a difficult and unique situation,” but by now you may be thinking, “Okay, we get it, you’re the ‘Closet Atheist,’ you have to go to church with your family, it’s not the end of the world.” I definitely feel that way sometimes. It’s my story and I tell it so much that I get used to it. But it indirectly influences my life in ways that I can’t shake and is quickly driving a bigger and bigger rift between me and my family. In reality it’s not a joke or a quirky storyline that I can use to get views on my posts. This is my real life and it is a mess. Continue reading “Coming Out to My Mother: Part 1”
Last week, my post fell on Christmas Eve, but I didn’t end up mentioning Christmas at all. That’s because for me, Christmas was far from over. I spent about a week at my sister’s and her pastor husband’s house with all my sisters and brothers-in-law and my mom. As you probably already know, Christmas, Easter, and everything else in the world, is all about Jesus for them. Let me tell you all about it…. Continue reading “Christmas with My Lutheran Family”
This shouldn’t come at much of a surprise. That being said, lately, it seems as though there are Christians acting not-so-Christian all around me: from my apologetics teacher to the girl I talked about last week. A lot of Christians that I meet and hear from are very closed-off when it comes to people who don’t agree with them. It’s people like them to keep me locked in the closet. In different posts before, I’ve talked about how I determine whether someone would react well if I come out to them and whether or not I’d be comfortable doing it. Continue reading “Not All Christians Are Bigots”